How to Talk to Someone Who Has an Eating Disorder

By Stefanie Hamilton

More than one million people in the United States are struggling with an eating disorder such as anorexia, bulimia or binge eating disorder. These disorders affect men and women of almost every age, from pre-teens to the elderly.

The characteristics of eating disorders are sometimes misunderstood. People tend to think that only the super-thin are possible eating disorder sufferers, but in reality, people of all shapes and sizes can struggle.

Warning signs of an eating disorder include the following:

• Unhealthy body image.
• Eating in secret.
• Excessive exercising.
• Sudden, unexplained weight loss or gain.
• Low energy level.

If you suspect that a friend or family member has an eating disorder, it's best to follow up on your suspicions and talk to this person. However, disordered eating is a sensitive topic, so you need to be careful about how you begin and conduct the conversation.

Starting the Conversation

First, take some time to learn about eating disorders. Body image issues and disordered eating are about so much more than being thin or looking good. Talk to a counselor or medical professional, and learn about the emotional and psychological causes.

Next, try to sit down and talk with your friend or loved one. Start the conversation by expressing concern. Let them know that you've noticed some strange eating habits, or sudden weight loss, and that you're concerned about their health. Ask them if everything is ok. Then, listen.

Give your loved ones an opportunity to talk. Ask questions about self-image, how they feel about themselves and if they're happy -- and then listen to their answers. If they admit to disordered eating, don't lecture or attempt to offer simplistic solutions,

Instead, let them keep talking. You might be the first person who's tried to talk to them, and they may have a lot of pent-up thoughts and feelings that they needs to express.

Support, Don't Judge

It's also important that you don't judge people who are struggling with an eating disorder. Some people wrongly think that recovering from an eating disorder is simply a matter of willpower, that eating disorder sufferers are vain, or that they don't care about the damage they're doing to their bodies.

These are misconceptions – and understanding the true nature of eating disorders will prevent you from jumping to conclusions and saying things that could further damage your friends' self-esteem.

• Let your friends know that you're willing to help them get help.
• Let them know that you're willing to go with them to a counseling appointment, or treatment center, if they're ready to take that step.
• Be prepared, however, for them to say that they're not ready -- and be willing to accept that answer.
• Trying to push someone into treatment may have the opposite effect, causing them to distance themselves from you, and sink deeper in their disordered behavior.

If the answer to "Are you interested in getting help?" is "No," accept it and make sure your friends knows that you'll be willing to help whenever they're ready.

Don't Get Angry

If the conversation starts to get heated and tense, either walk away or change the subject. Your goal is to offer support and care, and you can't do that with someone who's defensive or angry. If you try to talk to your friends, and they get upset, apologize for upsetting them (even if you don't think you did anything wrong), and suggest a different topic of conversation.

Your desire to help your friend or family member is commendable. But you may have to have more than one conversation before they're willing to get help -- and even then, the road to recovery is not an easy one.

Before you begin that first conversation, though, determine that you're going to be loving, kind and supportive until your friends get the help they need.